i didn't go to sleep until 8:00 this morning. i felt like crap, too. then my dog starts throwing up and nothing i do is making her feel any better. then i start feeling like i had drunk all night long and that i had woken up with a huge hangover. but there hasn't been any drinking for me i quite a while. not since i went four wheeling with my brother, his girlfriend, and his friend shane and shanes girlfriend. i was such a fifth wheel that night but i didn't care because i was completely wasted. anywhoo!! i finally fell asleep 8:30 this morning and i slept until like 8:00 tonight. it was so great. i love to sleep because when i sleep i don't have to worry about the present.i don't like present because in the present i'm single and in my dreams i can date anyone or be married to anyone i want. in my last dream i was back dating my ex-boyfriend warren. it was so great to be back in his arms again. it felt so right. i was so happy when i was with him and then because my dad had to be so uptight mine and warrens relationship had to end because dad thought that i didn't need to be with warren because he lives by himself and he drinks. big deal. if dad knew half of what i've done he'd kill over. and then he would understand that being with warren wouldn't change anything. anywhoo!! i'm thinking that after this blog i'm gonna start telling anyone who reads this about all of the guys i've been in love with or thought that i was in love with. anywhoo!! i guess this is it for now!

much

Jessica

geez!! i had such a wild day yesterday. i went out shopping with mom and we went to this one store and i saw this one guy that i came so close to messing around with on graduation night. and he was with his little posse of guys. they all said hey to me, but only two of them talked to me and neither one of them was the guy that i was about to have fun with. anywhoo!! Michael and Joe came over to the check out area where i was standing and the other michael and jared went on outside. anywhoo!! michael #1 was like michael #2 is to good to talk to anyone and i was like yeah i guess and then when i was getting ready to leave joe goes bye Jessica. cya later. that made me think about graduation night. joe was there, and he flirted with me, but all through high school i thought that he had hated me, but i guess that he was just "hiding" his feelings for me. Anywhoo!! me and mom left the store and went to taco bell for lunch, and while we were there, it started raining like crazy and thundering and lightning. well we were finished eating and when we were gonna leave it started raining even harder. well mom tells me that she will run to the car and open my door so that i won't have to get soaked. well she opens the door at taco bell and starts running to the car and when she does the rain hits me in the face and i screamed and this guy that was eating with his mom starts laughing at me. well i see that she has got my door unlocked so i open the door and take off running and i'm wearing cloggs and i almost lost one of them. by the time i got to the car i was soaked. i looked like a drowned rat. anyways, we went to walmart after we left taco bell and i was walking through the store to the front and i saw this guy named Brad. he used to date my friend ashleigh. well anyways, i always thought that he was cute and when he saw me he goes "hey how are you? what's up" not a lot but it meant alot to me that he remembered me. i told mom "he is so cute. don't you think that he's cute" anyways, i went to the library and checked out 11 books. i've already read one of them. while i was there i saw this guy that used to bug me every day in eighth grade to go out with him but i never would, and to my "luck" he is now cute and married. anyways!! i've been looking up info on wicca because i think that it is really cool. i've never done a spell but i've always wanted to, i'm just scared that i'll either end up looking like an idiot or that i'll conjour some unspeakable evil. oh well. i guess this is it for now. until the next day
jessica

psst!! hey people, send me a reply on what you think of my life so far.

well, today has been so freaking uneventful. my life definetely sucks right now. i've graduated high school, and i even got a summer job. now i have no idea what to do with my life. my dad says that if i'll move in with him and get a "good" job, he'll help me buy a car. the thing is, i don't want to live with my dad because i'm almost twenty years old, and i don't want to have to depend on my parents for anything. plus, he moved in with my grandparents to help take care of them. I love my grandma, but she can drive me insane sometimes. whenever i sit down, she is yelling for me to do something. i'm always busy there. plus my dad still treats me like i'm twelve. hello dad, i'm 19 and i don't need a freaking guardian anymore. no one seems to understand that i'm grown up now. anywhoo!! my relationship with *Jared, went down the toilet because he said that he didn't want to ever fall in love or get married and those are two things that i want out of life. i haven't talked to him since because i know that there is no hope of ever changing his mind. i told mom and everyone that i had had a conversation with him and that i had told him that i wanted to fall in love and that i wanted marriage and that yes i was looking for a commitment from him. i thought that it would make them all happy to know that i had told him what i wanted. but i never did tell him those things. i just stopped talking to him. i have to fight myself everyday to keep from calling him. i want to so bad because i miss talking to him. he was so cute too. what a waste. anywhoo!! another thing that i am having to deal with is my sexuality. i know that i love guys, but i'm starting to notice girls too. it's so crazy because my whole family is against the whole "gay/lesbian" thing. i haven't done anything with any girls or any guys yet so i don't know which i would prefer. maybe both. who knows. it's driving me insane too because these are things that i need to have figured out. anywhoo!!! i guess this is it for today's blog. hope everyone enjoys it. there are going to be more crazy blogs than this.
xoxoxoxo